In a tale of familial responsibilities and personal priorities, the Original Poster (OP) and her husband, both registered nurses (RNs) in Canada, grapple with financial decisions that test the fabric of their relationship. As OP suggests saving for their newborn’s future, her husband’s obligations to his own family back home come to the forefront. Tensions escalate, leading to a charged confrontation that pushes their bond to its limits.
A Dual Commitment
Both Alden and OP, a married couple of RNs in Canada, send a significant portion of their salaries back to their families in their home country. They manage their finances with three bank accounts: one for Alden, one for OP, and one for joint expenses. This division allows each to support their families back home.
New Parenthood
Earlier in the year, OP gave birth to their first child, marking a new chapter in their lives. After a maternity leave, she resumed work in July. The demands and responsibilities of parenthood started to become more evident.
Planning for the Future
OP, being a thoughtful parent, broaches the subject of saving for their son’s college education one day after work when they are both relaxing in the living room at home with their baby. She suggests opening a registered educational savings plan (RESP).
The Big Investment
OP’s plan is to contribute $100 every two weeks from each of their salaries. She thinks this will result in a nice sum after 18 years that will allow their child to graduate from college debt-free. She values their child’s future financial freedom as one of the biggest gifts they can give.
Alden’s Stance
Alden recognizes the value of the RESP but expresses his inability to contribute initially. He reminds OP that he’s supporting his brother’s college education for the next two years. The financial commitment to his family is something he’s not ready to compromise on.
A Compromise Offered
Understanding Alden’s situation, OP lowers her request, suggesting a contribution of $20-$50 every two weeks. She hopes this small amount will be manageable for both of them. It’s a gesture of compromise.
Rising Tensions
Alden’s response is not what OP expects. He states that he can’t afford the reduced amount and feels pressured by OP’s suggestions. The conversation escalates as OP feels her husband is putting their child’s education prospects on the back burner.
Cutting Corners
Hoping to find a solution, OP proposes cutting back on certain luxuries like dining out and subscription services. These reductions could free up some funds to put towards the RESP. It’s a pragmatic approach to the problem.
Stress Relievers at Stake
Alden reacts negatively, viewing OP’s suggestions as an attack on his relaxation methods. In his view, these small luxuries are essential for managing his stress. The disagreement becomes more personal.
On the Verge
Feeling deeply frustrated, OP is on the brink of drastic action. In a weak moment, she contemplates throwing her phone at Alden as their argument reaches new heights.
A Physical Departure
To avoid further conflict, OP removes herself from the situation and goes for a walk, leaving Alden in the living room with the baby. A physical space now mirrors the emotional distance between them.
Silent Night
The tension doesn’t ease with time. That night, Alden sleeps on the couch, indicating a deep rift in their relationship. OP begins to second-guess her reactions from the previous day, wondering if she might have overstepped or overreacted.
Outside Perspectives
OP’s friend offers her perspective on the situation. Stating OP could potentially be in the wrong, she suggests OP could have been more understanding of Alden’s position. The voice of a third party brings a new angle to the situation.
The Dilemma
Caught between her own convictions and the opinions of others, OP starts questioning if she was too harsh with her husband or if her concerns were valid. The weight of the unresolved issue bears heavily on her.
Relationships and Finances
Money matters, always a delicate topic, become the wedge driving Alden and OP apart. Both have their own commitments and priorities and finding a common ground proves challenging. Their love for family competes with their responsibilities to each other.
Was The Mother’s Behavior Appropriate?
OP posts her story online, hoping for validation and feedback from the internet community. The readers in the forum had a lot of mixed views on the matter.
Forum Responds
One reader said, “If your husband can’t communicate about basic marital finances without becoming irate, you need to see a marriage counselor.”
Another Commenter Thinks
Another responder wrote, “I wonder why he feels he can’t cut down on either daily expenses or contributions to his brother’s studies, even incrementally, to give his parents/brother time to secure more cash flow locally.”
A Third View on The Story
A different person stated, “I think your husband is under a lot of pressure, as are you. You seem to be more worried than most about financial planning ahead, and that is great, but maybe it’s a little too much and could be cut a little?”
A Final Perspective on the Matter
Another reader commented, “I found it very reasonable that you offered to put in a lower amount. Is the mutual money gone every cycle, or can you put the extras toward the education plan?”
